Drug and alcohol addiction and abuse. Recognition. Prevention. Treatment
20/20 Parenting. Recognizing and mitigating early vulnerabilities and risk factors.
Kerry’s Journal
Reflections, Experiences, Shared Vision
May 16, 2007
Last night I had the honor of co-presenting with an amazing young lady, Kim Ramsay, to an elementary school PAC (parent advisory committee) meeting. Kim courageously told us of her personal experiences with drugs and alcohol and of her miraculous recovery. She is soon to complete her training at CDI college to become a drug and alcohol counselor and I’m sure will bless the lives of many others for years to come.
I shared Ryan’s story, it’s impact on myself and family, what I’ve learned from it all, and what I’d do differently if I had a second chance. Then we had a lively Q and A. At the end several parents expressed concern that so many others who had said they would come, didn't.
Granted, there was a major game on TV, and the sun was shining in all its glory. However, we were told that several had said, "We don't need that yet".
I used to think that too when Ryan was in elementary school, “After all, it will be (X) years before he’s exposed to drugs and alcohol and I’ve already been talking to him about it.”
He knew drugs were bad. He was too smart to get mixed up in that scene. Not my kid. Right? – Wrong as it turned out… as it wasn’t about his level of knowledge or intelligence.
So what would have gotten through to me I wonder? I’ve thought about that a lot since Ryan’s death. Sadly the same barriers to my earlier awareness and empowerment for prevention still apply to many parents:
- Lack of early childhood preventive parent training (in recent years early support programs have developed in many communities, yet many parents don't make use of them)
- Overconfidence in our own parenting abilities (every child is at risk to some degree; parenting technique is only part of the equation)
- Long term societal focus on drug and alcohol education for youths (later vs earlier prevention)
- Not understanding how we lose influence and control as children transition into adolescence (teen development, conflicting laws, fragmented and over-burdened health and education systems)
- Overly stressed and busy lives (unable to think about it much less find the time and energy)
- Fear of changes that might be necessary (shifting priorities, personal growth)
- Fear of family and societal misjudgment (due to misconceptions...they are subsiding slowly)
- Tendency to avoid unpleasant possibilities (fear of ‘negative’ thinking or self-blame due to our own misconceptions)
- Believing sheltering them will protect them (leaves them open to deceptive recruitment)
- Thinking drug experimentation is a harmless ‘right of passage’ (having survived it ourselves we may not realize how dangerously different it is today)
- Being unprepared in how to recognize drug experimentation (studies have found that 50% of parents are unaware of their children’s drug and alchol use*)
Again, prevention education and support throughout childhood is what we need. But how could I have been convinced of that back then, even if it had been easily accessible or available (as it is more so now)?
The people who have had the most influence over me have been those who had experienced a crisis first hand. Hearing their story gave me a kind of virtual experience that convinced me I needed to act to avoid that in my life. I hope that as I now tell my story, others will be saved going down the blind road that I went down with Ryan… a road that led to the deepest tragedy of my life.
The challenge remains, however: getting them to come when they don’t think they need to hear about it “yet”. I have a few ideas but I’d like to hear from you. Will you share your feedback and ideas with me?
Please write to me via email.
Kerry Jackson
PS: If you saw yourself in the list above please be kind to yourself and know that you did the best you could with the resources you had available to you along the way. Blaming yourself and beating yourself up about it isn't going to help you or your child. Remember your good intentions. We all do our best, including our kids (and those who work with them).
*CBC NEWS article, Sun, Sep 24 2006: Half of teen drug, alcohol use slips by parents: study
