Drug and alcohol addiction and abuse. Recognition. Prevention. Treatment
20/20 Parenting. Recognizing and mitigating early vulnerabilities and risk factors.
Letters to Kerry
Stories of Victory, Struggle, Tragedy, & Workplace Concerns
May 11, 2005:
WARNING: This next story contains frighteningly graphic illustrations of the horrors this young girl, Corrina has gone through, and still lives with…it is not for the faint of heart. This is a case, as was my son’s, where crystal meth actually induced psychosis. As Dr. Bill MacEwan, B.C., specialist in drug-induced psychosis and mental illness, has stated publicly, there are two timelines for crystal meth addiction: with the first or first few uses and with extended “high functioning” usage. Psychosis, he estimates, will affect 10% to 20% of users. I tell you this in advance so that you will understand that this story of first-use addiction and psychosis is not an exaggeration. Unfortunately, when we have not had any experience with this kind of drug response and induced illness, it is all too easy to brush it off as unrealistic, or rare, therefore not a real threat to our own children. This is exactly the kind of denial that prevents us from protecting our children, a denial that I myself admit to and will regret for the rest of my life.
If you have a daughter who is overly concerned with her weight and you fear she may be vulnerable to the weight-reducing effect (thus dream-come-true promise) of crystal meth, this is a story she may need to read. – K
Dear Kerry –
Thank you for your presentation last night [May 5]. I am a 54 yr old mother who wanted to give you a standing ovation for your bravery. I have coped with a 21 yr old daughter who has been an addict of crystal meth since 14. How she is still alive no one knows.
For the first five yrs I tried everywhere to get help and have finally succumbed to the realization I have lost my youngest child. She is committing suicide but it has been a very slow death.
You see, Corrina was an honour student, - with everything good in her life - until … 1996-97
She was worried about her weight that year ... Grade 8. She was 13 and the teachers talked about everything so perfect - her aspirations to become a plastic surgeon; so much talent. Corrina’s teachers state how respected she was by her peers, excellent in everything...even her nutrition. She was on the honor roll that year and had never missed a day of school...until this evil person gave her crystal meth. (To try for weight loss he said.) She did try it all right. She [got] hooked immediately and went crazy.
Corrina lost her education and schooling, (expelled within two weeks)… No one knew what was wrong with her. When she went crazy she completely lost her mind - masturbating in front of people, hucking and spitting up flem all over the carpets constantly, crawling around in the middle of the night scouring the floors for whatever, taking a knife to a family member because he wouldn't purchase cigarettes. Covering windows in heavy wool blankets, she slept most days or would be up for five days straight. Corrina had become possessed. But by WHAT?
No one recognized the DRUG and I couldn't smell it or find any signs - only different symptoms and each professional had a different diagnosis because she had become psychotic. Never did Corrina admit at any point to using crystal meth. Only Corrina's confession to a friend and her heart wrenching diaries speaking of having to get away from the "white stuff."
It was 1998 when everyone realized what was going on and it was too late. She had become so bulimic and weight obsessed that she would buy-shirts that were a toddler's size 4. ... And I would sleep with any money in the house under my mattress every night because she had become such a thief. The anorexia and bulimia became so bad that her diet for weeks at a time initially consisted of only 7-11 slurpies. When she became bulimic she would consume boxes of cereal - sometimes one or two boxes at one time and then throw everything up. She would drink two or three cans of frozen juice and it was impossible to keep any food in the house. My son would lock his supply in a top cupboard and hide the key.
Her menstrual cycle ceased, (barely started) her breasts did not fully develop, and she now is incontinent and at times has no bowel control. She became obsessed with cutting things and plucking her eyebrows for hours on end. She cut all my underwear and good dresses. Sometimes just little "snips" here and there.
I can't tell anyone still. It's the stigma. I dropped my friends and had NO ONE over when she was still at home, and kept busy at work...No one knew the horror. I had to put Corrina with the Ministry at 15 1/2 [years old]. But there was NO WHERE TO TREAT HER. She quickly ended up on the streets and deteriorated in front of my eyes - to this paranoid shell of a "monster”.
Today Corrina resides in a downtown hotel desperately addicted and she can't recover. No help. No beds. No will power ... And everyday I watch her die. Some days now I yearn to help her end her life because it is so unbearable for her. I am contemplating helping my daughter commit suicide. The drug has made me crazy as well.
At one time in my desperate state I was thinking I would disrobe in public and tie myself to a tree at [the hospital] to bring attention to her plight - if it would help. I came to my senses and realized they would only cart me away. That was when they rendered her "dual diagnosis" at about age 16 and then unable to treat her severe eating disorder.
At another time I thought of kidnapping her off the streets and hiding her in a cottage [in the valley] but was warned by Social Services I would be charged. [see end note]
I even tried to scare Corrina straight by suggesting one of her drug contacts was being questioned by police for the missing women on the downtown eastside and they had come to speak to me about it.
So you see...it has been a long struggle. But I couldn't speak out about it. The shame, I guess. I'm a west side snob; concerned about appearances and what other people will think.
Today I have had to let go. It doesn't matter now what got my daughter to the place she is in. What does matter is that no one can help her. And as strange as it sounds I have somehow come to terms with it. My false pride has dissolved over the yrs too, I guess. And this has allowed me to reach out to you.
My child is now riddled with marks; her veins all collapsed and scars up and down both arms. Her eyesight is destroyed because she had worn contacts but can no longer take care of herself. I cannot allow myself to give her any more money because I found her in my bathroom two weeks ago with her arm wrapped in a tensor bandage and a needle sticking out of her thigh. Both legs were streaked with blood as was her arm.
I can't punish myself anymore by giving her money for what might be the last she uses these drugs. Then I surely will blame myself for killing her. As it is, I feel I didn't protect her as a child.
I am not sure today if it is crystal or heroin. It is so difficult to say "no" to her, especially when she convinces me it is for food, and to tell her to "go away" - to not answer the door or be able to help the person you love more than anything else. It truly is excruciating.
On another sad note - my daughter was a virgin until she met her one friend- (a 37 yr old man who is dying of Aids...) My daughter has been intimate with one person and she has Hepatitis C. (I don't believe she hooks - we have talked openly about this) She is "running" the drugs instead. She tells me "they" stay away from her because she tells men she has Aids. (At least she hasn't lost all her brains I guess!) …
Your words allowed me to understand I am not alone. Your grief I have known. Please accept my condolences on the loss of your son. Kerry, thank you for taking the time to listen and who knows? Maybe YOU can make a difference. God give you strength to carry on.
Karen B.
Note: In Canada it is illegal to confine or force a minor or adult to submit to treatment (of any kind). Even our law enforcement and medical professionals can only use force when a person is an obvious mortal physical danger to him/herself or another. Parents can easily be driven to drastic measures, risking their own lives in the process… I don’t recommend this though I had many ideations of this sort myself. – K
