Drug and alcohol addiction and abuse. Recognition. Prevention. Treatment
20/20 Parenting. Recognizing and mitigating early vulnerabilities and risk factors.
Letters to Kerry
Stories of Victory, Struggle, Tragedy, & Workplace Concerns
May 19 , 2005:
Dearest Kerry,
My neighbour and I, we cried when we read about your story.. and when I saw you on TV. Our hearts reach out to you.. and we are so sorry for your pain.. and we admire your courage to go on and help others as you are doing now. Yes.. only someone like you can understand and feel our anguish.
My neighbour and I are both retired teachers.. dealing most of our lives helping children stand on their own feet to discover our wonderful world.. and give them skills to explore.. express and become contributing citizens.
What a shock to find our own sons ... in a world so alien to ourselves... and seeing them change before you into someone who is so different from what they were.. and yet you know it is the same boy you brought into the world. What happened????? We both went into near bankruptcy before we discovered that our sons had become addicts... we were trying to help them get a solid beginning in the adult world... but find out that they are teetering on the brink of madness... an unknown world.... one of fear.... pain... crisis... oblivion.. and the need to escape into the depts of an unknown scary place for all of us.
Our sons.. they have never met.. are now in early recovery. Both relapse on
a regular basis still.... we hope to save them from the brink of despair. ..
but they say that they have to reach that bottom to realize what they are into..
before they will seek help to totally remove themselves from this world.
Yet.. as a mom, how can we let our sons go into the rock bottom????? Yet...
they say they won't realize how they need help unless they hit this rock bottom.
This is the hardest thing to decide what is the right thing to do.
Sad to say, Chris, my son, visited me on Mother's day.. and when he returned to Vancouver.. he relapsed the very next day.. alone in his room.. not going to the dances I had questioned. And he got sick.. as he wasn't used to being up so long.. as the meth keeps you up. Again. I think he relapse a few days later with a friend. I gave him space and didn't call or question him.. He said he appreciated the space and is now back on track.
I think he needs a program to help him during the day.
When he was relapsing.. I could feel it in my bones.. and didn't sleep either. In fact I felt so depressed.. I thought perhaps I needed to die in order to get the message to my son that he needs to shape away from the crystal meth.. if I died. But.. I decided it was a foolish thought.. but it felt so bad.. I wanted to die.. and hoped it would help my kid.
I realize it was not a good idea.
You are so brave to be helping others... I know that Ryan is proud of you.. and loving you so much. Do believe that he is there with you. His spirit is there... and never will leave you.. he is there guiding you.... and loving you.... do believe this. Light a candle at night instead of electric light. you will feel his spirit easier this way.
Thank you both for your help and support......
With love, Cathy
