Drug and alcohol addiction and abuse. Recognition. Prevention. Treatment
20/20 Parenting. Recognizing and mitigating early vulnerabilities and risk factors.
Kerry’s Journal
Reflections, Experiences, Shared Vision
December 6, 2006
Christmas time has become a time of sad-sweet memories for me, a time for both coping and celebrating.
SAD:
It was six years ago, this coming Boxing Day that I last saw Ryan.
This Christmas his mood had been very different. It was very hard to see him so glum and zombie-like. This was not Ryan as I had always known him. He had been a fun-loving, boisterous, happy child, youth, and adult at every Christmas gathering. He had always enjoyed being with family and would bug me if we hadn’t made plans at various times of the year. This year, 2001, he wasn’t enjoying himself as he quietly faded into the furniture, seemingly too ashamed and sad to be seen. Only three weeks later he was gone.
Some of you are going through similar sad memories, worries, or anguish as your loved ones struggle with their drug or alcohol demons. Perhaps for you as for me, spending time with them this Christmas isn’t possible. This is a good time to reminisce, to pull up the sweet memories, and to be thankful for them.
You might find it helpful to look at photo albums or to write a letter, even if you have no address to send it to. Just getting our feelings out by writing them down helps to relieve them. And who knows, maybe they do communicate somehow on another plane. Crazy idea? Maybe. What’s the harm in trying? At the very least it will help you to heal so that you can be stronger in case your loved one finally asks for your help.
If you are in the midst of a fight to help your loved one I truly empathize with you. I don’t know of a more helpless feeling than to watch a precious son or daughter, niece or nephew, or grandchild in this struggle. Please take good care of yourself. Seek someone you can trust to talk to if the stress is undermining your own life and health. A trained drug and alcohol counselor will work with family too and can be very helpful in how to cope through the season.
SWEET:
The sweet memories I am left with are many. As I think of other Christmas times when Ryan was little I remember several years of his antics as the Fonze (a TV series called Happy Days, with Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli as Fonzie). He would crack us up every time. He loved to be goofy. The older I get the goofier I too have allowed myself to act. I’m thankful Ryan has taught me how to have fun with myself. It’s good to ‘hear’ him laughing too.
Perhaps it is only my imagination. However, I find his apparent presence a great comfort and source of strength alongside the universal Love that continues to sustain and inspire me.
I am grateful for the sweet memories and for the many lessons Ryan’s life and struggles have taught me. And I am grateful and honored to be in a position now to pass these lessons on to others… to you.
Thank you so much, to all of you who have contributed your stories and knowledge to 20/20 Parenting thus far. I could not be doing this without you. Please continue to send your suggestions and questions.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all,
Love and Health,
Kerry Jackson
My Goof Forever...
