Drug and alcohol addiction and abuse. Recognition. Prevention. Treatment
20/20 Parenting. Recognizing and mitigating early vulnerabilities and risk factors.
Kerry’s Journal
Reflections, Experiences, Shared Vision
January 8, 2007
2006 has come to a close. We have celebrated 2007. But are we truly moving forward? Are we achieving “closure”? What does that really mean anyways?
“Coming to peace” with the past is how I understand the term “closure” where emotional and spiritual wellbeing are concerned. I am interested in your interpretation if different… please write me.
While last month was full of activity and the distraction of the season, this month begs our attention to how we live our lives. Resolutions and new starts occupy our minds. Sometimes also, unresolved losses simmer below the surface, bubbling up here and there, as in my case.
Yes, I am a perfectly imperfect human being. And yes, I am still grieving the loss of my only child, this month especially, as Ryan’s death happened 5 years ago this 13th, and his birth 32 years ago this 25th. January for me is a time for listening and responding to my sadness, giving it helpful expression, receiving support from others, and being extra good to myself. It is a time for coming closer to “closure”… attaining peace and acceptance on the deepest of levels.
Perhaps you think I should be completely over it by now. If you have not had first-hand experience with losing a child please try to refrain from casting judgment on me, and others in similar situations. It is often said that there is no greater loss than that of one’s child. I haven’t met a bereaved parent yet who has been able to completely resolve this loss to the point of eliminating sad feelings, even many years later.
As long as these feelings are not debilitating or preventing forward movement perhaps they are a good thing: they act as reminders of one dear to us, special and unique, worthy of remembering and appreciating, no matter what their problems were, giving us understanding and compassion for others who have lost their beloved children, and other significant others. Perhaps these thoughts keep us humble and appreciative and motivate us in ways that help us to help others. Perhaps they give us reason to draw closer to those who share our lives, strengthening our relationships for everyone’s benefit.
Still, at times it takes effort to get back on track. I find that working through the feelings is the best approach in spite of the time it sometimes takes in slowing me down for a few days. (Stuffing or ignoring them will also slow me down eventually via stress-related illness.) There are many ways to do this: talking to friends and/or a counselor, acknowledging and accepting the feelings, exploring their origins and resulting beliefs, letting go of unhelpful, unfair, harmful beliefs, (spiritual surrender/release) and replacing them with helpful, fair, beneficial beliefs – putting it all to paper, song, words, drawing, painting, movement/a pose, a prayer… virtually anything that helps to remind us of our new belief and approach as long as it doesn't hurt ourselves or others. (This may take repeated, yet gentle and kind, refocusing for a while and may best be done with a trained professional if the feelings seem overpowering.)
These are tools I learned years ago in therapy but there are many ways to the same goal of achieving inner peace and serenity... “closure”. I would love to hear what works for you. Will you share with us?
Wishing you a wonderful 2007, full of Love, Joy, and Health,
Kerry Jackson
Here are a few "model" pictures that were taken for a hair salon portfolio when Ryan was 23. He and his girlfriend had just had their hair coiffed : )
