Drug and alcohol addiction and abuse. Recognition. Prevention. Treatment

20/20 Parenting. Recognizing and mitigating early vulnerabilities and risk factors.

Kerry’s Story

Hi, my name is Kerry L. Jackson. In January of 2002 I lost my only precious child, son Ryan, to crystal meth-induced bipolar disorder and suicide. He was 12 days shy of his 27th birthday.

During the following two years I spent many hours grieving, questioning, and soul searching, in an attempt to find out what went wrong. Naturally, I had to overcome my own feelings of guilt, as we parents tend to blame ourselves when our children have problems in life.

And I do acknowledge that I have made some blunders, especially as a young mom. However, in defense of my younger self, and at the risk of sounding like I am shirking my own responsibilities or pointing the finger of blame, I will say this. The lack of system-wide built-in training and preparation for this most important job of parenting was, and remains, something we need to address.

As for my own shortcomings, I have been able to forgive myself as readily now as Ryan always did. After all, we can only do our best with the information and resources that we have available to us along the way.

Making Sense of it All

In the days following Ryan's death I learned from several health professionals that 70% to 80% of their drug and alcohol-dependent patients have underlying unresolved mental health issues, injuries and/or illnesses. These can date back many years and may have been undiagnosed or misdiagnosed.

The fundamental nature of substance abuse in these cases, rather than being a free lifestyle choice, is the user's way of coping, through "self-medication.” Since I had done a fairly good job of educating Ryan about drugs, this fact haunted me and set me on a quest to discover why Ryan might have felt the need to medicate himself.

I learned about many childhood risk factors and vulnerabilities over the next two years and came to realize that Ryan had experienced several I had not been aware of. My first reaction was one of deep sadness followed by intense pain and frustration. How I wished I’d had the benefit of this knowledge when I had most needed it: BEFORE he acquired them, or at least soon after.

Three ways not having this knowledge set us up:

1. My lack of knowledge prevented me from effectively protecting him from further compounding problems and from seeking appropriate help for him.

2. The lack of accurate assessments and treatments for Ryan meant that his behaviour continued to worsen, thus his performance at home and at school.* This adversely affected how he saw himself (self esteem) and he became more and more difficult to handle.

3. My lack of understanding of his true condition took a toll on our relationship. My unrealistic expectations of him, together with that of school and health professionals,* further undermined his self-esteem and self-confidence. Eventually this drove Ryan towards his more understanding and accepting peer group: other youths with underlying problems and self-medication coping habits.

4. Ironically the misunderstandings of others eventually caused me to isolate and hide just as Ryan had been doing! Even family members have a hard time being truly supportive when all of society tends to blame the parents and the victims. The trouble with this is, I missed out on finding the support I needed to help us both.

I believe that the course and outcome of Ryan's life could have been very different if I had known then what I know now…had I been adequately prepared and equipped to act on his behalf.

What can we all learn from this?

We parents need to find earlier and broader support in understanding, recognizing, and addressing the many potential visible and invisible vulnerabilities for substance abuse and addiction.

As communities we need a greater understanding of the many causes for this self-destructive behavior so that our attitudes do not impede our children’s chances for a drug-free adolescence and adulthood.

We all need to be more supportive and understanding of each other. None of us have full control over the advantages and disadvantages we are born into – nor do we have the ability to go through life without acquiring challenges along the way that are beyond our control. What we can control is the way in which we respond to them based on our knowledge and abilities.

I would add to that: we can control our preparedness in successfully handling them, through early 20/20 self-education.

It is my sincere desire to help you in these ways through developing this website. In so doing I hope you and your family will be saved from the tragically unnecessary excruciating pain and loss that Ryan and I have endured. A loss I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Kerry L. Jackson

20/20 Parenting, Founder,
Motivational Speaker, Child and Family Advocate

* I wish to state that in no way do I hold any professional or institution responsible for Ryan's early health conditions and eventual demise. I understand that everyone did their very best for him within the knowledge base of their professions at the time of their involvement with him. I thank you all for your efforts and support you in your work to prevent and treat all childhood ills that when chronic and unresolved can lead to self-medication in adolescence as a means of coping.