Drug and alcohol addiction and abuse. Recognition. Prevention. Treatment
20/20 Parenting. Recognizing and mitigating early vulnerabilities and risk factors.
Letters to Kerry
Stories of Victory, Struggle, Tragedy, & Workplace Concerns
August 13, 2006:
Hello Kerry. I am a woman of 28 yrs old, and have used drugs since I was 14. I loved the drugs I used like meth, rock cocaine and snorting heroin. I want you to know that today I am drug free but for pot. I haven’t had any drugs other than pot. My brain still wants the drugs but it has been almost 3 months.
I feel such pain when I think of Ryan because that was me. I was planning the same escape route out of my body. But I asked my mom to help because I thought people were stalking me and I was having delusions so I asked my mom to take me to a care facility in California... It kind of helped but made me think I was all alone… After coming out of the hospital I was assaulted by my spouse who was going thru his drug dependency also. Well he tried to kill me for three days until I ran out of the house and police were called and he is now in prison for 9 yrs for great bodily injury and assault.
He reminds me everyday why I should live and one day remember that drugs was the cause for our love. Not Life. I love drugs again but to do them I have the fear that I was to die at hands of another or do it myself. Many times I too wondered if I'll be better off today if I jumped off the bridge like Ryan. Many times I wished for someone to kill me. But luckily I found the answers.
My heart said I am better than to end it but to try [recovering] sometimes is difficult. You Kerry did the right things…I know today you are making Ryan’s life a meaning for change. I Thank You for your life story, even pain can heal the hopeless. Not only do I hold a place for Ryan when I pray for guidance but [I ask for the] strength to stand against the ledge. I too have pulled close to it. I wish god’s plan for Ryan would of been different but I, like Ryan, are doomed to trial and error from the time of adolescence. I have always felt alone, angry, and in rage. To fix [drugs]…was the best thing, I needed not someones help.
Help [to start getting clean] is exactly what [I needed] so I could know what [it] means to survive free from the depression drugs make you feel when having too much is good but in a bad way. You can never escape the fear to continue breathing and dealing with life. It really is easy when drugs make everything great and almighty. What is left is the crying souls that need help.
Your friend Tabitha, Alaska
