Drug and alcohol addiction and abuse. Recognition. Prevention. Treatment
20/20 Parenting. Recognizing and mitigating early vulnerabilities and risk factors.
Letters to Kerry
Stories of Victory, Struggle, Tragedy, & Workplace Concerns
November 3, 2006:
My 15 year old daughter ran away from home 2 weeks after her 15th birthday. It was an event in our lives that was traumatic, horrifying, and beyond our reach of understanding and comprehension.
We began our search for her at our local high school and were horrified to learn that no one would help us. Not the counselors, teachers, or other students. We were able to learn, much to our absolute shock, that there were kids who were known drug dealers that were harboring her. We called the police to get her out of an apartment she was in with boys in their 20's and were told that they would not help us as she was 15. We could not believe it.
We then went all over Langley running her and her known associates down and entered places and homes we did not even know existed in our community. The parents, police, and teenagers would not help. We then went back to the school 3 days later and the lack of help from the principles and teachers was unbelievable! We learned over these three days that some of these children and their parents were dealing drugs and no one seemed to care or want to do anything with this information. We finally brought her home and had her drug tested. She had cocaine and meth in her system. We took her to our family doctor who was of little help except to say that we had to let her do what she was going to do.
Four or five days later she was gone again. Thus began 6 months of complete hell.
We went to different counselors, social workers, police, etc and could find no help anywhere. There was no rehab available unless she willingly went. There were no counselors who could give us advice on how to save her. She was in drug houses in Chilliwack with pimps who were armed, men in their 30's and up, prostitutes, and in apartments that were under surveillance by the police. No one would drag her out or help us save her.
We stumbled across a teen outreach center one night and the ladies there said there is a drug house every block in Chilliwack, yet the police do nothing. One evening a drug addict called us and told us to come and save our f*#*n daughter cause she was going to die. Still no one would help. I went to victim services and they said they do not have anything to help someone in my situation. I went to counselors around the lower mainland and no one had advice except to let her hit rock bottom. The social worker said if she wanted to go, to let her go.
What of all these other parents who insist to me that there kids are clean and good, when we know now for a fact that they are using? What about the parents we know are using and dealing to our children? I know that the counselor at the school knows all this as I have told her. Needless to say, I could go on and on.
Why is there no help for these kids before they are addicts? Once you know they are doing drugs, where is the help? There is lots of drug prevention in the schools but once the child begins to use how do you save them? Why can we not force rehab, or physically remove them from these dangerous, surreal, life-threatening situations??
My daughter returned home a week ago, and she is clean. The pain, the hurt, the suffering of our family will never heal. Will she stay home and remain clean? Where is the help for suffering families? Where do we get educated? And mostly, how do we protect our children from these situations?? She had just turned 15 and she was our baby. We could not believe we could not help her.
Anonymous
I have heard this lament from many intelligent and responsible parents. It was my own many times in Ryan's teens. There are two systemic problems that interfere with our parental powers to protect and provide for our children.
1) Laws that tie our hands behind our backs once our child reaches the age of 12. The authorities hands are also tied until the child either becomes a physical danger to self or another (psychotic and violent or suicidal or commits a criminal offense). School and health authorities apparently cannot inform parents due to the legal necessity for the child to sign a consent form for release of information. I say "apparently" because this seems to be a gray area dependent on the authority in question and their location. There are so many municipal, provincial, and federal laws that apply that it is quite a daunting job to get to the bottom of it for each municipality. All of this comes as quite a shock to those of us whose children suddenly go sideways...the 'prodigal' son or daughter that we hope will return to his/her good training but today is at the mercy of drug dealers, pimps, and other parents who care less about our children. For more on the laws that hinder us read Gina's letter.
2) Inadequate treatment protocols due in part to these laws that prevent enforced participation in recovery. The belief that a child must "reach bottom" so that they can voluntarily enter treatment is an "American" belief it seems to me. As a parent, having lost my son to his bottom, as he tried to get clean himself, still believing he was not mentally ill OR addicted to meth, I say "What of the many recovered addicts in other countries, who are alive, clean, and contributing members of their society today BECAUSE they were forced into a long-term fully rehabilitative treatment program and who are now THANKFUL for that treatment???
Related letters:
See Sgt. Murray Mashford's letter, fourth paragraph on Vietnam.
Also, see this Mom's success story for the closest to an "enforcement", highly successful, treatment centre I know of in Canada. (If you know of any others in Canada or the U.S. please let me know.) – K
