Drug and alcohol addiction and abuse. Recognition. Prevention. Treatment
20/20 Parenting. Recognizing and mitigating early vulnerabilities and risk factors.
Letters to Kerry
Stories of Victory, Struggle, Tragedy, & Workplace Concerns
January 17, 2007:
A lovely response to our latest newsletter, 20/20Aware!, and my journal entry of January 8th:
Thank you for the newsletter.
I don’t make resolutions. I attempt to live my life fully each day – it’s not perfect nor would I want or expect it to be perfect. Sometimes fully living is just sitting around and watching a movie, reading a book, going for a walk, playing with the dog or whatever. Those on the outside may look upon such choices as laziness. To me, such observation may simply be a fear of others of just doing it. I think that once we make an intention something is always supporting us. So, my constitution each day is to enjoy life, stay away from bad stress, say, “Hello!”, give a smile, lend a hand, think of some awe, as the next moment can be taken away so quickly. I often tell my children that birthdays are a celebration of birth but each day is a celebration of their gift of life to themselves, me and the world. Then, family celebration of dates is a coming together to honour a year lived with the greatest possible integrity. Placing the onus on specific dates to give us joy in that one moment only is placing a lot of emphasis outside of ourselves to seek that which first must come from within.
My father is quite ill in the hospital and I have been running around every day attempting to get his ‘new’ existence in order. He didn’t have the necessary notarized Power of Attorney so I am working to execute a Committee which is very expensive. He has dementia, diabetes, high blood pressure, an angry temperament, and mesophelioma (cancer of the chest cavity and lungs from asbestos). I didn’t have a nurturing relationship with my father and a little anger has come out over his process of dying without our reconciling and having the close relationship I also dreamed was possible. He also did not have a relationship with his grandchildren which hurt as well. I feel very blessed that I gave myself a number of years in therapy to deal with my family of origin stuff and to find and understand Me so that I am able to move out of that hurtful stuck place and be able to embrace my father with the empathy, compassion, love and care that is honestly in me to intimately share.
So, Christmas has been quite busy and I have found lots of quiet in Nature and meditation to collect myself. This focus has taken away from my counselling practice but my practice will come back when the time is right. As I sit watching my father sleep in his hospital bed I reflect on how his illness has really offered me ample time to reflect on my life and the things I need to be doing – the passion I need to be growing. That is what he would want of me – to live my life to the fullest and embrace the essence of every breath. Letting go and moving on is hard and I think the strong are those that go through the fears and anxiety and open themselves to experience counselling or therapy.
In a magazine I remember seeing a dog lying beside the grave of another dog and the story related that it stayed there for 5 days before moving on. Some animals stay so long they forget to eat and drink and die on the same spot where their friends have died or are buried. I don’t think that is what Life intended as the dog, after grieving, has so much to offer others in reflection of what love means and what love can be passed and shared with others. Stopping that flow of love may be an injustice to the natural flow of life. Making such a sacrifice of ones own life in sharing the misery of death does show great pain and we all need to have that pain expressed so we can move away and carry the learning into greater works.
So for those who have lost and those going through the struggle of family members of friends in transition I know that Life awaits any decision we make and supports us on that journey. As well, in the silent moment know there are others joining you in your emotions and feelings and holding your hand through to a new beginning.
Blessings
Dennis Paget, RPC
Registered Professional Counsellor
