Drug and alcohol addiction and abuse. Recognition. Prevention. Treatment
20/20 Parenting. Recognizing and mitigating early vulnerabilities and risk factors.
Letters to Kerry
Stories of Victory, Struggle, Tragedy, & Workplace Concerns
April 30, 2007:
Another letter from Jessica from prison, this time with a wad of great poems! – K
"I am in a substance abuse program and wrote a goodbye letter to my addiction. I thought you would enjoy it : )"
Dear crystal,
Well here I am yet once again feeling abandoned and alone. Oh how I forget the true way you make me feel when you’re not around.
I always manage to forgive you every time, and yet I seem to forget how you truly make me feel so weak when it comes to you.
I have tried to be strong inside and leave you.
Then somehow you come sneaking back into my life. I sit here alone thinking and reminiscing of all the moments we’ve shared together.
All the friends you introduced me to The glamorous wonderful life of having everything I ever wanted.
Now all the glitter and gold are gone. I wake up night after night wondering where you are now that I need you the most.
You’re out with everyone else and have forgotten about me and the real sick thing is if I were given a chance to be reunited with you I think I’d actually forgive you yet for the hundredth time. It’s such sick addiction
I have when it comes to you.
I realize that I am dependant on you.
How could something so evil and destructive have such an impact on my emotions and thought process.
I ask myself what it is about you that I love so much?
Is it the fact that you made me feel confident and pretty and helped cover up all that negative self talk when I was over weight and vulnerable?
How could you promise me all those things and keep telling me it was ok to forget about my family and the important things in my life?
How could I let you become number one in my life when it is supposed to be me and now that I don't have you I really don't know who I am because of all the fake realities you have embedded in my mind?
I have lost my self-respect.
I have lost my family.
I have lost my so-called friends.
I have lost you.
Now I have lost myself and I don't know where to begin the search for the real "Jessica Bryce"
You gave me a fake reality, wishful beliefs and broken promises. You made me believe that numbing any type of feelings and any past regrets is the way to live a happy normal life.
But I know that is the way to live your wicked unrealistic life.
Now that I feel pure feelings it’s been pretty difficult to have all these emotions at once because I don't have you in my life to numb me anymore. I don't want to be a part of your sick world you introduced me too.
Because I know now if you really were a true healthy friend as you claimed to once be you would have helped guide the way to a better life than what your lies have led me to believe.
You are a bad example of what a friend should be you are pure evil and I am disgusted I let you have such control over me.
Today I am learning through educating myself in helpful programs and believing in a higher power other than you that I have control of what "Jessica" thinks and feels.
I still feel lost at times. I have realized that being alone and confused is ok.
It’s natural to be discouraged, but to keep trying when times get tough that’s life. I have accepted life on life’s terms not your terms [but]my own.
Today I can be proud and accept the fact that you are not in my life and have no control.
I am a strong confident women and I would like to introduce myself to you.
My name is Jessica Bryce and I am a grateful recovering addict ....
